Isn’t it interesting that in one of the initial interactions between God and man, a question was posed? Certainly it wasn’t given to render pertinent information; but rather, it was voiced for the benefit of the man? Where are you? Not a location. Not a needed answer. Not a chide remark. But almost a rhetorical question. Where are you in relation to Me? Where have you gone in relationship with Me? Into hiding? Into shame? Into guilt? Into self-loathing? Just as the question was relevant in the beginning, it is relevant now as we are 22 days into the new calendar year…..I’m 22 days into the juggling of hard things and scenarios in the midst of this precious gift of life.

A few days before the end of the year, there was a text that changed everything. “FYI Mom fell and broke her hip. Surgery tomorrow.” No flowery words. No expository comments. My then 89-year-old mom had indeed fallen in her own home and had unfortunately fallen to cause her right hip to fracture. A once sturdy, brave widow became extremely limited in movement and independence: a change that truly has unraveled us all. On top of managing the running of the household of teenage boys, organizing the transitions between trips to CO, SD, and Africa, and dealing with change after change in travel plans and illnesses at importune times, I have been reminded of my utter dependence on Jesus. 22 days in; and He seems to pose the question, Where are you? In the quagmire of change and in the quagmire of utter pain at watching frailty and age weigh heavily on a life, I am reminded there’s no storm in which He is not present. No storm in which He hasn’t allowed. No event that can alter His plans for my life. None.

Christmas here was filled with the fun, celebratory family traditions that make for merriment; but in a flash, the joy ceased. The face of pain seen. The voice of fear heard. The aches of a soul tired. The tired soul.

“Where are you?” in real space and in real-time as the days are wearing on through the sweet month of January. My response yields to the event that has rattled me to the core of who I am. The longings never realized. The hope never granted. The pain.  I am the tired soul, the tired of trying to hold it together, the tired of having to organize and facilitate, the tired of attempting to be in two places at one time, the tired of not knowing…..But isn’t this just the place where the Lord Jesus meets us and welcomes us home. Just like the Father running to his prodigal son and celebrating his arrival. Just like the Father to pursue us at all costs so that the detour into power and control becomes illusionary.

As the Lord ushers in a new day tomorrow, may it be one where we savor and dig deeply into His truths for us. Let’s throw open our cold and weary hearts and allow His glory to permeate even those scenarios that weigh heavily on us. The scenarios all weigh on a life, posing the question, “Where are You, in relation to Me?” He welcomes the sinner home. He delights to carry the burden. He pursues the brokenhearted so that He meets them in relationship.

Where, O where, is your heart on January 22, 2016?  Show up in relationship with Him, no matter the pain or the joy you are facing. He welcomes you! 

“So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life.”    Ken Gire