“I sought the Lord, and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:4-5

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

It has been a decade that I never could have comprehended. 5 Lung collapses. Lung surgery. Loss of my dad. Loss of Hunter’s dad. Loss of my mom. Loss of my childhood home of 52 years. Cole’s staggering cancer diagnosis and recovery. Countless precious friends near and far struggling with cancer, torn marriages, and deaths of spouses. And a senseless, unspeakable murder of a beloved family friend. A 2 minute difference, it could have been one or both of us. And…..Unspeakable regrets of not exiting a St. Jude fundraiser together.

However, I look at the enormous losses and assess the enormous challenges, they ultimately bring my heart to the mandate to collapse in grace. This call has been the life-reset trajectory of the last decade. What I didn’t grasp at the pivotal moment of 2010, I do now. These truths have not only forged the change in my life’s pursuit; yet, they also have propelled my heart to new perspectives.

I now utterly know that Jesus is with me; that He will never leave me; and that He will never abandon me. Convinced that others hide in shame, fear, guilt. and brokenness, I finally have stepped into the passion He fueled long ago, giving and serving the struggling while also cherishing those He has placed right in front of me.

My masters in professional counseling is finally completed, with a 3.97 MA from Liberty University. Despite my high academic standards to excellence, I’m much more proud of the hundreds of hours spent holding space for the hurting. I’ve witnessed the ravages of domestic violence and drug addictions along with staggering eating disorders and weight issues. I’ve seen what relational marital struggles can do to a marriage and family. I’ve assisted young immigrant children step into grieving the sudden loss of a beloved father by gun violence as well as children grieve the loss of their parents’ marriage. I’ve had children grapple with bullying and social skills. I’ve dealt with clients with significant PTSD, ADHD, panic attacks, addictions of every kind, trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety disorders, loss, life transitions, marriage issues.

Bravery. Courage. Perseverance. Humility. Thankfulness. Kindness. Willingness to endure. Just showing up. Growth in Jesus’ love. Healing. The GPA and limitless exams and papers to arrive at this intersection have been absolutely the least important! Instead, the equipping with counseling skills to love well in the space have been paramount so that others get a tangible sense of Jesus’ love for them, right where they are and as they are. The characteristics enumerated above were witnessed day in and out with my dear clients. And what a honor it has been to facilitate change just as a vessel; God alone did the work and continues.

Eric Liddell once stated that when he runs he feels God’s pleasure. The same has been true for me in the counseling arena as I’ve surrendered simply to be His vehicle of redemption, reconciliation, love, forgiveness, and mercy. Through fallible me, through infallible Him, I have been pleased to feel His pleasure.

It’s never too late to step into your passion; I’m proof. It’s never too late to grapple what it means to collapse in this life-changing, altering grace that demands an obedience. As I have encouraged many people to step into their fears and witnessed unimaginable transformation as well as healing, I must ask one question:

What keeps us from collapsing in grace and allowing the process to fuel our next steps?

Our unexpected losses are pale in comparison to the joy He gives in assuring others that their cries are not only heard but honored. These same heartfelt cries of sheer honesty push back the darkness of shame and hiding so that others may live fully, right smack in the middle of their own story.

A final story to prove this point: There are no coincidences that the day Ellie Holcomb released Red Sea Road that was the same day Cole was finishing his 30th chemo treatment at St. Jude (January 27, 2017) and the same day a year earlier he stood in front of roughly 900 Memphis University School students and faculty defending God’s existence through a speech for which he volunteered (January 27, 2016). So, as I watched my blonde-haired, big boy who couldn’t quite fit on the bed designed for children much smaller than 6’6”, I couldn’t help but really ponder Ellie’s words:

“We, buried dreams
Laid them deep into the earth behind us
Said, our goodbyes
At the grave but everything reminds us
God knows, we ache
When He asks us to go on
How do we go on?
We will sing, to our souls
We won’t bury our hope
Where He leads us to go
There’s a red sea road
When we can’t, see the way
He will part the waves
And we’ll never walk alone
Down a red sea road
How, can we trust
When You say You will deliver us from
All, of this pain, that threatens to take over us
Well, this desert’s dry
But the ocean may consume
And we’re scared, to follow You
So we will sing, to our souls
We won’t bury our hope
Where He leads us to go
There’s a red sea road
When we can’t, see the way
He will part the waves
And we’ll never walk alone
Down a red sea road
Oh help us believe
You are faithful, You’re faithful
When our hearts are breaking
You are faithful, You’re faithful
Oh grant us eyes to see
You are faithful, You’re faithful
Teach us to sing
You are faithful, You’re faithful, You’re faithful
And we will sing, to our souls
We won’t bury our hope
Where He leads us to go
There’s a red sea road
When we can’t, see the way
He will part the waves
And we’ll never walk alone
Down a red sea road
No, we’ll never, walk alone
Down a red sea road
No, we’ll never, walk alone
Down a red sea road”

So I texted Ellie’s precious mother-in law Nancy and said, “Share with your daughter-in-law: I’m sitting here watching the Red Sea Road played out, right here, right now on January 27th, at St. Jude with my big boy. Thank you for articulating: we are never alone!” It was truly my best early birthday present: Cole was finished with cancer treatment and there was hope.

Despite losses. Despite fear. He is faithful. He Alone is worth laying down our lives so that others may know His presence and love.

May 2020 bring each of us glimpses of His mighty care: in joy and pain. On the cusp of 2010, I couldn’t imagine His blessings in the midst of incredible pain; however, I’m more convinced now of His care, especially in the details.

Blessings to each of you and hoping to write more as I see where He leads me to serve next…….

Leigh